Sometimes, when I’m tired or downtrodden or feeling the March teacher blues and knowing that Spring Break can’t come soon enough, I like to fantasize about how things would be better, if only.
And one of my favorite “if only”s is when I think about superpowers.
What? You mean you don’t think the same? Why not? Think about how your life would be faster, better, sharper, easier, more fun, more magical, more interesting if you only had superpowers.
Oh, fine. Maybe you love your life. Maybe you are completely 100% satisfied with your lot. Maybe you wake up every morning – okay, let’s be realistic: most mornings – with a smile. In that case, let’s take this scenario as a hypothetical, academic one. What would your 5 top superpowers be if you could have them?
I know these are mine:
1. to be invisible – for those times when the students want to know their grades or the husband wants dinner or the daughter wants to play handball or the son wants his underwear washed but all I want to do is be away from people
2. to be a universal translator – for those times when my students start whispering in Spanish or when I’m waiting for my order at a Mom and Pop Chinese restaurant or getting a pedicure because I’m nosy and paranoid and I want to make sure people aren’t talking smack about me behind my back
3. to be able to teleport – for those times when I forget the keys to my classroom whenever I switch out purses but it’s too late to turn around to grab them (plus you can’t exactly turn around in the carpool lane)
4. to have a truly photographic memory – for those times when my smartphone dies and I need to snap a pic of a recipe/book jacket/meeting minutes/nuclear warhead plans
5. to be able to shapeshift – for those times when my blog outfit requires smaller boobs, or narrower shoulders, or longer legs or the face of David Tennant