Dear Forever 21,
I think it’s time we saw other people.
I know, I know, you have been loyal and true to the end. You always provided the best deals, the fastest shipping, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find another skinny jean that fits me better for $10 anywhere but from you.
It’s not you; it’s me.
Lately, I’ve noticed that your offerings have skewed far away from my body type and my advancing age. I know you’re only trying to keep up with the trends and be current, but 14-inch bodycon skirts just aren’t doing it for me, no matter how much I love my legs. And cropped tops? Um, no thank you. No one needs to see my unsightly stretch marks, even if they are a badge of mommyhood.
I’d been thinking about this for some time. Whenever the Daily Dose of New Arrivals appears in my inbox, I have been immediately sending it to my trash without even clicking. And when I go on Mad Hunts, I’ve found myself leaning more toward thredUp, Target and eBay instead of you.
I think the nail in the coffin had to be my last purchase, however. It was your 50% Off Sale Items sale, usually a time for great rejoicing in this non-Nordstrom Anniversary Sale affording heart of mine. I browsed your pages into the wee hours of dawn and eventually settled on six items, all for the low, low total price of $52.25.
What a steal!
And the package came promptly four days later. I tore that yellow bag open as if it was a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and I was on a time-of-the-month feeding binge. Ten minutes later, though, I was left bereft.
Of the six items, only three passed muster. The other three were sad disappointments. That may sound like pretty good odds – 50/50 – but when I invest one fifth of my monthly budget on you and all of them are Final Sale items and therefore non-returnable, then the odds don’t look so choice.
The sad thing is that I still really admire your aesthetic, barring the short skirts and cropped tops, of course. I would wear the three items that didn’t work in a heartbeat. If they fit. But they didn’t. And I don’t know if they’re worth a trip to my master tailor.
Speaking of my tailor, that’s another reason we may not be right for each other anymore, F21. I find myself calling her more and more to alter your items and that just subtracts even more from my budget. I used to tell my daughter that I will be “forever 21” which is how I can still shop your wares, but maybe it’s time to admit that we’re just not good for each other anymore.
So, I really think we need to break up, Forever 21. If you need to have reasons, please see the following exhibits:
I am still planning on rocking the other three items below. I will think fondly of you when I do. But I think I am now going to unsubscribe to your emails and block future notices from you so you can no longer tempt me.
Thanks for a great run, F21, but I think you’ll be much happier with a younger, taller, waifier crowd. This curvaceous, Rubinesque woman of a certain age will have to go elsewhere for her fast fashion fix.